CERCLE 5

23 What is the most valuable thing art has taught you? It contributes something very important, because life is hard and rough, and the art greatly softens our relationship with life, be- cause it has a background of beauty that allows you to dive into her very positively. What do you see when you look back? It is difficult to be specific, because almost everything is related to my art, especially from the age of 13. I've known people that have enriched me, that have brought me a great deal of satisfaction and joy. I remember my childhood...it was wonderful, and when things started to take on a greyish, uglier tone between 12 and 13 years old, painting came to rescue me from all this toughness... from then and for the rest of my life. And now what do you see when you look forward? I see many threats, people I love that are in a difficult situation. That is a shadow cast over my life. In addition, to do my work well, to be at my physical peak is essential: to have good eyesight, good legs, and I often wonder —how far am I capable of going? Perhaps the wisest thing would be to painting and sculpture appropriate to the moment, to a new way of looking; one that is less penetrating and refined than when I could see better . It may be that the truly wise thing to do would be to not put windows if I can’t see them, but for that very reason I should reinvent myself as a painter, and I don’t feel capable of such a thing. It would be really amazing to be able to do so. I think of Velázquez and his evolution from his first works in Seville...with that lighting, to Las Hilanderas (The Spinners) where everything is soft, fuzzy, nothing is precise. My vision has changed and it would be wonderful to evolve on the basis of my own decreasing abilities. It’s a little like opting to use a biro when you no longer have a fountain pen. Of your day to day routine, that is it that you most like? Well, I usually get out the wrong side of the bed. At half past eight, I feel like all those things that cause me grief are ganging up on me. It is a feeling of battling without ever knowing what will hap- pen, a battle that I am getting out of: I shower, make breakfast for Mari and me, and I gradually get better and fill myself with the all the positivity that reality brings to my life. In general, though I swing between bad and good moments, and it happens in such a fast and unexpected way that it causes me great distress. The amount of profession I have helps me a lot, in how I manage my difficulties. I have lots of experience and, despite everything, I sometimes lose my way and get a feeling of helplessness becau- se I demand high levels of work from myself, perhaps now more than ever. I need stimuli, and I look around for them if I don't have them. They come to me naturally and in my daily work I get around just fine, I can handle it well, but each stage you go through in life sur- prises you, and I'm living 80-year-old stage for the first time. I have to adapt without the main thing changing. Have you any fear? Are you nostalgic for anything? No, I don’t think so. I am aware of the losses and what they mean in my life, and there are things that I can't replace. I can be defe- atist at times, which is something quite different, and a powerful feeling can sometimes get me down. And when a feeling catches you like that, how do you face it? I cling to what I have. The mere presence of my wife calms me,